The Mistress
Gene. 1988. San Francisco
On a rainy afternoon in the Bay Area, a disheveled gentleman walked into my office. He said he was not sure what he wanted or expected from me, but worry was written all over his face. He was a mechanical engineer who enjoyed working alone in his San Francisco office.
Gene stated that he’d been married for 30-years and had three grown children. For twenty-eight of those years, however, he’d also had a mistress. She was a nurse at a local hospital. Questioning him in-depth, he felt sure his wife never knew about his affair. The stress under which he was living had, of late, become unbearable. The first thing I decided to teach him was the use of deep relaxing, self-hypnosis. I felt that that would be a good start in alleviating some of his distress.
After going through hypnotic relaxation techniques several times, I told him to practice as often as he could. It would only require about five minutes at a time. I asked him to report back the following week to let me know how that practice was working.
On the right day and time, he kept his appointment. Engineers have a tendency to be on time, almost to the point of obsession. He said he’d been able to obtain a very deep state of relaxation. With that, I began to delve into his problem.
He stated that the mistress had long been pressuring him to divorce his wife and to marry her. Yeah, I thought, after all these years and such! As a professional, though, it’s not our duty to judge our clients. Those who say they don’t judge others are not being truthful. It’s natural because every human on this planet is living in his own bucket of sin. Judging others gives us a modicum of personal relief.
I asked Gene what he’d like to do about the mistress’ requests. He said he didn’t want to get divorced but was feeling terribly conflicted over what he should do. Listening to him, I decided to use an off-the-cuff version of my amplification technique. Many problem behaviors can evaporate by increasing its importance, thereby forcing the subconscious mind to release its grip on the individual.
I extracted my usual request that he promise to follow my suggestion for a short period of time, each day. In many cases, that thinking time is between ten minutes and half an hour. In Gene’s case, I changed it a little. Placing him in a light hypnotic trance allowed him to better focus on what I was about to say.
Whenever I give these types of suggestions, my clients need not achieve deep states of hypnosis; just to the point where they are paying full attention to me. Here is exactly what I said to Gene:
Therapist (T): Now, Gene, you’ve had a difficult time trying to decide what to do. Lately, you’ve been thinking about the past 30 years and, especially, the pressures of the present…more precisely, the here and now. I know you’ve indicated to me that you’ll try anything…at least for the next few days…and that is a firm commitment on your part. What I’m going to suggest to you may seem somewhat strange at first, but…just as you promised me that you’d do your part, I promise you that what I’m about to suggest will give you the answers you seek. Are you prepared to do what I suggest in order to obtain that relief?
Gene (G): Yes, I am. I’ll try anything to relieve this torment.
T: Great! Now, here’s the plan. At some point—and I don’t know precisely when—your innermost mind…your subconscious…is going to present you with the solution to the following scenario. It may come as you’re driving to work in the city, or it may come to you in a dream at night…but, this much I do know. At some time in the next three days…in the next 72-hours…your answer will come like a bolt out of the blue.
Now, here’s the scenario; you are to see yourself having divorced your wife and being re-married to your long-time girlfriend. See the two of you setting up your new home together…having moved out of your present home and transferring all your belongings into this new house, where the two of you can live happily ever after.
Will this image come to you in detail tonight? I don’t know but…this much I do know…it will appear to you and you’ll have your answer at that exact moment.
I, then, asked Gene to bring himself back to full conscious awareness. We set up another session for the following week. Within two days, however, he called and asked if he could see me “right away.”
G: I’ve barely been able to seep since I left here on Monday. I tried not to think about the things you asked but it all kept going through my head. I love my wife and, when I saw myself married to Teresa, I became terrified. She’s gotten to be very demanding over the years and, with her, I couldn’t be free to do what I want to do. I told you how I love working alone and spending a lot of time by myself. I realize that Teresa’s been more of a sex buddy than anything else.
T: And, by now, that’s gotten to be pretty old, hasn’t it? I mean you’re 54-years-old. You’ve had a good run at it. I don’t know if this has ever crossed your mind…but have you ever thought about your wife while you were having sex with Teresa? I’m sure you haven’t made any decision to tell your wife and that is totally up to you…but what about the girlfriend? Will she be angry if you cut things off? Is she vindictive?
Gene assured me she wasn’t the vengeful type. He said he was going to talk it over with her and get on with his life, whatever that may bring.
Sometimes, a client’s problems are resolved, and the therapist never gets to know the final results. I never saw Gene again, but I was convinced that he would follow his plan; that’s what scientifically-minded people do. I know that he knew what his plan was going to be before he initially came to see me. All I had to do was bring it to the surface. Subtly suggesting if he ever thought about his wife while having sex with Teresa was the coup de grâce.